Speaking to two dear friends about dealing with an insurmountable fear of losing the attention, love and affection of a relationship, I realized that so many of us search to fill ourselves with other people, fill ourselves with tending to others needs, wants, desires, dreams, and wrapping ourselves in someone else's perspective, instead of tending to ourselves.
If my life is a garden, who should tend to it? No one else but I can know best how fruitful I wish it to be. Yet so many of us expect for others to water our garden of dreams, destiny, love, accomplishments, and memories. Most who seek someone to tend to their garden are not aware of the unintentional neglect they are allowing, and often slowly realize that their garden needs the love and care of the owner. Submitting to the fear of not tending to our own needs, expecting others to provide that care, leads to flowers wilting, leaves falling. It is is easy and often we blame those we thought were responsible for its growth, leading to weeds flourishing in our garden. Rarely are we happy to see our garden left in disrepair, but only we are at fault and only can we clean the debris, rid the weeds, and start over. Should others weather bad winds and harsh frost, helping hands we can provide, but never should we be someone else's gardener.
We also must respect the gardens that surround us. Only the owner can ever truly feel, see and know their garden, no matter how much they wish for others to commit to its care. With love we can teach each other how to enjoy each blossom, but who are we to tell anyone which seeds to plant? In a relationship, there is no room for growing happiness when two people commit themselves to tending two gardens. In the end it is within our own garden were we can find our own happiness, and learn to admire the breadth of beautiful gardens that exist around us.
A wonder of the world indeed. The Mutianyu wall is the most recommended section of the wall to visit. Hosting a little degree of difficulty, lots to walk, a ski lift up and a long taboggan down makes the wall the highlight of my trip to Beijing. Opting for a visit to the Wall instead of the Forbidden City, we were able to accomplish this visit before a late afternoon flight back to NYC. Leave Beijing early enough (6am) and the trip there is quick, and the market at the entrance/exit is fun and not as overwhelming as the Badaling wall (the most common section visited) markets sound to be.